CORDY: There are some ugly critters in here. Someone ought to create an intra-demon dating base. You know, like archfiend.org, where the lonely and the slimy connect. I was just joking Mr. Grouchy Pants. When was the last time you had a dating base?
WESLEY: For your information : I lead a rich and varied social life.
CORDY: Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out girls, this one can’t be tamed!
WESLEY: I’ll admit it may not be as intoxicating as a life erected on high fashion pumps and a push-up bra.
CORDY: Hey, if anyone is wearing a push-up bra around here it’s…

CORDY: Me? Oh this is rich coming from Mr. ‘Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my flagon of oat-bran’ in the morning.
 

CORDY: There is always slime. This is why I don’t gamble. You make a small wager one day, a bigger one the next, and before you know it Beetlejuicy albino comes a knocking! Claws or hands?
WESLEY: He wrote claw-like hands.
CORDY: Could be a mixed breed. Smell?
WESLEY: Sulfuric.
CORDY: Add a Porsche and hair-plugs and I’ve dated this guy a lot. Other distinguishing characteristics?
WESLEY: An eerie high-pitched howl or wail. I’m assuming that’s when it’s preparing to fight or mate.
CORDY: Okay, first I say ‘yuck’ and then I hit search.

ANGEL: I asked for a room with a view. I’m guessing English is not your native tongue. Hablas Espanol? Russian? Italian? Yeah, we’ll have so much to talk about during those long winter nights.

CORDY: The bookie who may get his jollies cutting off people’s extremities?
WESLEY: That’s why I’m taking this.  (Il sort des armes toutes emmêlées) Along with a few other things.

WESLEY: These Octavian matches date back to the Roman Empire. I’d heard rumors of a revival.
CORDY: Couldn’t they have just done Westside Story?

CORDY: We weren’t going to let anything happen to you.
WESLEY: No.
CORDY: Well, I mean, beyond the slavery and the severe beatings and stuff.