Cordelia: Definitely. My favorite time of year. I am, of course, having my dress specially made. Off the rack gives me hives.
Mitch: Lemme guess: blue, like your eyes!
Cordelia: My eyes are hazel, Helen Keller.

Buffy: You’re probably wondering what I’m doing with this stuff, huh?
Cordelia: Wow, I’m not!
Buffy: Uh, for history class. Mr Giles has this, like, hobby of collecting stuff… which he lent me… for show and tell. D-did I mention it’s for history class?

Cordelia: Yeah. With Shylock it’s whine, whine, whine, like the whole world is about him. He acts like it’s justice, him getting a pound of Antonio’s flesh. It’s not justice, it’s yicky.
Ms Miller: But has Shylock suffered? What’s his place in Venice society?
Willow: Well, everyone looked down on him.
Cordelia: That is such a twinkie defense. Shylock should get over himself. People who thinks their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she’s trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing.

Cordelia: Hi! Isn’t this the bomb? I’m such the campaign strategist.
Harmony: C. For Cordelia?
Cordelia: No, C for Wilma, little brain! Of course, ‘c’ for Cordelia! This way people will associate me with something sweet!

Cordelia: Here’s a chocolate… (see it’s Buffy and pulls her hand back) Oh. I don’t think I need the loony-fringe vote.
Buffy: Well, I-I don’t even like chocolates. Okay, that was the lamest comeback of our times.

Xander: Yeah, what kind of moron would wanna be May Queen anyway?
Buffy: I was.
Xander: You what?
Buffy: At my old school.
Xander: Oh! So the, uh, good kind of moron would do that. The, uh, non-moron, I mean.

Snyder: Dead? Of course not. What are you, ghouls? There are no dead students here. This week. Clear back, make room, all of you.

Buffy: And monster’s don’t usually send messages. It’s pretty much crush, kill, destroy. This was different.
Giles: I’d have to say you’re right.
Buffy: I love it when he says that!

Xander: Well, yeah, I would give anything to be able to turn invisible. Well, I wouldn’t use my powers to beat people up, but I’d use my powers to protect the girls’ locker room.

Cordelia: God! I am never sitting through another one of those alumni lectures again. Two hours of ‘My Trek Through Nepal’. Hello! There’s nobody caring.
Marcie: And did you guys see his toupee? I mean, it looks like a cabbage.
Cordelia: And those slides! ‘That’s a mountain. That’s a mountain, too. Now, look at some mountains.’
Harmony: I swear, he had three slides and just used them over and over.

Cordelia: Ask not what your school can do for you, ask: Hey! What am I wearing to the Spring Fling?

Willow: Oh, my God! ‘Have a nice summer. Have a nice summer.’ This girl had no friends at all.
Giles: Uh, once again I teeter at the precipice of the generation gap.
Buffy: ‘Have a nice summer’ is what you write when you have nothing to say.

Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?

Cordelia: Ooo! Well, anyway, despite all of that, I know that you share this feeling that we have for each other, deep down…
Willow: Nausea?

Giles: You know, I… I don’t recall ever seeing you here before.
Cordelia: Oh, no, I have a life.

Buffy: Well, it’s not that simple, it’s a person, it’s… It’s this person. Now, do you have any idea why she’d be so…
Cordelia: Oh, God! Is she really wearing Laura Ashley?
Xander: So homicidal?

Cordelia: Nothing is keeping me from the Bronze tonight!
Xander: Uh, can we just revel in your fabulous lack of priorities?

Cordelia: Bummer for her. It’s awful to feel that lonely.
Buffy: Mm. So you’ve read something about the feeling?
Cordelia: Hey! You think I’m never lonely because I’m so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It’s not like any of them really know me. I don’t even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone’s so busy agreeing with me, they don’t hear a word I say.

Buffy: You know what you were saying before? I understand. Somehow it doesn’t seem to matter how popular you are when…
Cordelia: You were popular? In what alternate universe?
Buffy: In L.A. Th-the point is, I did sort of feel like something was missing.
Cordelia: Is that when you became weird and got kicked out?
Buffy: Okay. Can we have the heartfelt talk with a little less talk from you?

Mitch: Whoa, whoa. You’re not hanging with these losers, are you?
Cordelia: Uhhh! Are you kidding? Heh! I was just being charitable. Helping them with their fashion problems. Heh. You think I really felt like joining that social leper colony? Puh-leeease!
Xander: Boy, where’s an invisible girl when you really need one?