Xander: Um, oh, okay, I got one. “It’s a madhouse! A mad…”
Willow: Planet of the Apes.
Xander: Can I finish, please?
Willow: Oh! Sorry, go ahead.
Xander: “… house”
Willow: Planet of the Apes. Okay, good. Me. Uh…

Xander: Well, what also do you wanna do? We already played rock, paper, scissors. My hands cramped up.
Willow: Well, yes, if you’re always scissors of course your tendons are most boring summer ever.

Cordelia: I mean, they promised me they’d take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have. Of course I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character?

Giles: I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school’s principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?

Jenny: Extreme. I did Burning Man In Black Rock, such a great festival, you should’ve been there. They had drum rituals, mobile sculptures, raves, naked mud dances, you would’ve just… hated it with a fiery passion.

Willow: Giles!
Xander: Yo! G-man! What’s up?
Giles: Nice to see you. And don’t ever call me that.

Willow: Buffy killed a vampire last night.
Buffy: Uh, I think you can get a little more volume if you speak from the diaphragm.

Buffy: You’re the Watcher. I just work here.
Giles: Yes, I-I must consult my books.
Xander: Oh, eight minutes and thirty-three seconds, pay up. I called ten minutes before you’d consult your books about something. Thanks.

Willow: Tsh! Tell me about it. The other night I dreamt that Xander… Uh, I-it wasn’t Xander. I-in fact it wasn’t me. It was a friend’s dream, and she doesn’t remember it.

Joyce: Good. Is there the slightest chance that if I asked you what was wrong you would tell me? … Course not. It would take all the fun out of guessing.

Xander: Oh, hey, did you guys hear that Cibo Mato’s gonna be at the Bronze tonight?
Willow: Cibo Matto? They’re playing?
Xander: No, Willow, they’re gonna be clog dancing.
Willow: Cibo Matto can clog dance? Oh, sarcasm, right?

Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open and sound is coming from it. This is never good.

Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won’t tell anyone that I’m the Slayer, and I won’t tell anyone you’re a moron.

Cordelia: Buffy. You’re really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren’t you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?

Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? … She’s possessed!
Giles: Possessed by what?
Willow: Aaaaa possessing thing!
Giles: Well, that narrows it down.

Willow: That’s what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a B-I-T-C-H?
Giles: Willow, I think we’re all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?

Snyder: There’s some things I can just smell. It’s like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five.

Buffy: This is Cordelia’s ‘Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal.’
Xander: They wanna cook her dinner? I’ll pretend I didn’t say that.

Vampire: What are you gonna do? Kill me?
Buffy: As a matter of fact… yes. But since I’m not gonna kill you any time soon, the question becomes… how are we gonna pass the time till then?

Absalom: Your day is done, girl. I’ll grind you into a sticky paste, and hear you beg before I smash in your face.
Buffy: So, are you gonna kill me or are we just making small talk?

Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
Jenny: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean till judgement day, you are living with those stains.
Jenny: Yeah that’s the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat: the stains.

Buffy: I can’t! What am I supposed say? ‘Sorry I almost got your throat slit. What’s the homework?’

Giles: What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?