Snyder: A lot of educators tells students, “Think of your principal as your pal.” I say, “Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner.” Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school?

Snyder: On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building.
Buffy: W-well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said I-it coulda been mice.
Snyder: Mice.
Buffy: M-mice that were smoking?

Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout her.
Xander: You’re bad to the bone.
Willow: I’m a rebel.

Xander: As log as nothing really bad happens between now and then, you’ll be fine.
Buffy: Are you crazy? What did you say that for? Now something bad is gonna happen!
Xander: Whadaya mean? Nothing’s gonna happen.
Willow: Not until some dummy says, “as long as nothing had happens.”
Buffy: It’s the ultimate jinx!
Willow: What were you thinking? Or were you even thinking at all?

Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watchin’ my hand move.

Spike: A lot faster than Nancy-boy here. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don’t like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag!

Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it’s neither creamy nor rinsey.

Buffy: What can you really tell about a person from a test score?
Joyce: Whether or not she’s ever going out with her friends again.
Buffy: Oh, that.

Giles: W-um, Ms. Calendar has been researching, well, uh, surfing on her computer, a-and she’s… Well, according to her calculations, this Saturday is the night of St. Vigeous.
Buffy: Let me guess: he didn’t make balloon animals.

Buffy: La vache… doit me… touche… de la… jeudi. Was it wrong ? Should I use the plural?
Willow: No. But you said, “The cow should touch me from Thursday.”
Buffy: Maybe that’s what I was feeling.

Vampire: Slayer!
Buffy: Slayee!

Buffy: I was being cool. C’mon, you’ve been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don’t know what a girl means when she says maybe she’ll show?
Willow: Wow, two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that’s still like, four hundred dates with four hundred different… Why do they call it a mace?

Xander: Okay, that’s it. I’m puttin’ a collar with a little bell on that guy.

Xander: Does anybody remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don’t.

Cordelia: My fingers are cramping. How long have I been doing this?
Xander: Three minutes.

Buffy: Cordelia, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which really mesh. It’s kind of like oil and water and a… third unmeshable thing.
Cordelia: Yeah, and I can see the oil. Is that your mom? Now that is a woman that knows how to moisturize. Did it, like, skip a generation?

Cordelia: When they’re done talking…
Buffy: What?
Cordelia: My guess? Tenth high school reunion, you’ll still be grounded.
Willow: Cordelia, have some lemonade.

Spike: Slaaayer! Here, kitty, kittyyy. I find one of your friends first. I’m gonna suck’em dry. And use their bones to bash your head in.

Spike: Yeah. Come up against this Slayer yet?
Angel: She’s cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog “I’m all tortured” act. Keeps her off my back when I feed!
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world!

Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn’t you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?
Angel: I told you. I couldn’t make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not.
Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then?
Angel: We could’ve known he bought it.

Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I’ll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless they really deserve it. Or if it’s that time of the month, in which case I don’t think you or anyone else can hold me responsible…
Willow: Ask for some aspirin.
Cordelia: And can you please send some asp… Hey!

Spike: For now, we’re gonna have a little less ritual… and a little more fun around here. Let’s see what’s on TV.