Xander: I think the exchange student program’s cool. I do! It’s a beautiful melding of two cultures.
Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program?
Xander: My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count?

Xander: By guy-like we are talking big, beefy, guy-like girl, right?
Buffy: I was just told guy

Buffy: What’s he doing?
Xander: That’s Rodney Munson. He’s God’s gift to the bell curve. What he lacks in smarts he makes up in lack of smarts.
Willow: You just don’t like him ‘cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.
Xander: Yeah. I’m irrational that way.

Willow: I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better here.
Buffy: I wasn’t gonna use violence. I don’t always use violence. Do I?
Xander: The important thing is you believe that.

Guide: Five hundred years ago, the Incan people choose a beautiful teenage girl to become their princess.
Willow: I hope this story ends with, ‘And she lived happily ever after.’
Xander: No, I think it ends with, ‘And she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy.’

Xander: Ooo. The Sunnydale bus depot. Classy! What a better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine.

Buffy: How come?
Giles: Because you are the Chosen One.
Buffy: Mm. Just this once I’d like to be the Overlooked One.

Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah. I’m so stuffy, gimme a scone.
Giles: It’s as if you know me.

Xander: Well, yeah, I’m gonna take Willow, but I’m not gonna “take” Willow. In the sense of “take me”. See, with you we’re three and everybody’s safe. Without you, we’re two.
Buffy: Ah, and we enter dateville. Romance, flowers, …
Xander: Lips.

Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
Xander: For twenty-one hours?
Willow: It’s addictive, you know.

Willow: Giles, were the Incas very advanced?
Giles: Yes, yes, very.
Willow: Did they have orthodontists?

Xander: Oh, yeah. Fall for the old “let me translate that ancient steal for ya” come on. Tsh. D’ya know how many times I’ve used that?

Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? ‘Cause I don’t know anything much besides Doritos and Chihuahua.

Devon: Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Oz: Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to “A summer place”. I can’t discuss it here.
Devon: You’re too picky man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You’re lead guitar, Oz. It’s currency!
Oz: I’m not picky. You’re just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
Devon: She doesn’t have to talk.

Giles: Well, uh, yes, well, that’s, um, that’s a very good starting point for our, um… club. Um…
Buffy: Oh, and, uh, a-as club president, I have, um, lots to do. Lots of… stuff. Dull stuff. Uh, oh, Willow, maybe you could…

Xander: Good, huh? And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn’t leave you with that heavy… food feeling in your stomach.

Ampata: I like it!
Xander: I like you like it! Please, don’t learn from my English.

Buffy: So, then we just have to stop the mummy. Which leads to the question: how do we a) find, and b) stop the mummy?

Ampata: You are not telling me everything.
Xander: You’re right, Ampata. And it’s time we do. We’re not an archeology club. We’re in, uh… We’re in the crime club. Which is kinda like the chess club, only with crime, and, um, ... no chess.

Giles: Alright. We’ll meet there tonight after it closes.
Buffy: No! Bad plan. I have other plans. Dance plans. Canceled plans.

Ampata: Why was that so scary?
Xander: Well, because you never know if a girl’s gonna say “yes”, or if… she’s gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.

Buffy: And, uh, what culture are you?
Xander: I’m from the country of Leone. It’s in Italy pretending to be Montana. And where are you from? The country of White Trash?

Xander: Hho hee ze thee ai uh…
Buffy: I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you’re beautiful.
Xander: Hyav su.
Buffy : You’re welcome.

Dawn: Where’s Sven?
Cordelia: Ohhh, I keep trying to ditch him. He’s like one of those dogs that you leave at the Grand Canyon on vacation? It follows you back across four states. See? My own speechless, human boomerang.

Giles: Thank heavens you’re home.
Buffy: Yup! Not at the dance. Not with my friends. Not with a life.

Buffy: Come on! Can’t you put your foot down?
Giles: It is down.
Buffy: One of these days you’re gonna have to get a grownup car.

Sven: I thought this exchange student thing would be a great deal. But look what I got stuck with! “Momento!” “Punchy fruity drinky!” Is Cordelia even from this country?

Ampata: Looks like you’ve been keeping secrets from me! You’re not a normal girl.
Buffy: And you are?