Xander: Is she dying?
Buffy: I think she’s singing.
Xander: To a telephone in Hindi. Now that’s entertainment! Why is she singing?
Willow: She’s sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole… fish thing.
Xander: Uh-huh. Why is she singing?
Buffy: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor.
Willow: Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.

Willow: I know! We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and ask for hot water.
Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you lands us all in jail.

Cordelia: Well, not that it’s any of your business, but I happen to be dating a Delta Zeta Kappa.
Xander: Oh! An extra-terrestrial. So that’s how you get a date after you exhausted all the human guys.
Cordelia: You’ll go to college someday, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places.

Buffy: And the little slice of life that still belongs to me from, I don’t know, seven to seven-oh-five in the morning, can I do what I want then?
Giles: Buffy, you think I don’t know what it’s like to be sixteen?
Buffy: Non. I think you don’t know what it’s like to be sixteen. And a girl. And a Slayer.

Giles: Yes! Y-you, you, you have duty, a-a-a purpose, y-y-you have a commitment in life. Now how many people your age can say that?
Buffy: We talkin’ foreign or domestic? How ‘bout none?

Richard: So, uh, we’re having a little get-together tomorrow night at the house, and it’s gonna be a really special evening. (Cordelia does her fake laugh) Excuse me?

Richard: So, who’s your friend?
Cordelia: Her? Oh, she’s not my friend.
Tom: She’s amazing!
Cordelia: She’s more like a sister, really! We’re that close.

Richard: Hi, sweetheart. I’m Richard. And you are?
Buffy: So not interested.

Buffy: Mm. History stumps me. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened last week.

Tom: Oh, I know, I talk too much anyway. They’re really dull parties full of really dull people, so… would you like to come and save me from a really dull fate?

Xander: I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Don’t you hate these guys?
Willow: Yeah, with their charmed lives and their movie star good looks and more money than you can count? I’m hating.

Buffy: I-I was… just thinking, wouldn’t it be funny some time to see each other when it wasn’t a blood thing. Not funny ha, ha.
Angel: What are you sayin’, you wanna have a date?
Buffy: No.
Angel: You don’t wanna have a date?
Buffy: Who said date? I-I-I never said date.

Angel: This isn’t some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die.

Cordelia: Buffy! Did you lose weight? And your hair… Alright, I respect you too much to be dishonest. The hair’s a little… Well, that really isn’t the point here, is it? The Zeta Kappas have to have a certain balance at their party, and Richard explained it all to me, but I was so busy really listening that I didn’t hear much. Anyway, the deal is they need you to go. And if you don’t go, I can’t. And I’m talking about Richard Anderson, okay? As in Anderson Farms, Anderson Aeronautics and Anderson Cosmetics. Well, you see why I have to go. Buffy, these men are rich. And I am not being shallow. Think of all the poor people I could help with all my money!

Willow: He’s going with you? She’s got a date with Angel! Isn’t that exciting?
Xander: I’m elated.
Buffy: I-I’m not going with Angel. I’m going with … Cordelia.
Willow: Cordelia?! Did I sound a little jealous just then, ‘cause I’m really… Cordelia?!

Buffy: It’s broken in two. I don’t know what the rest of the letters might have spelled. And there’s blood on it.
Giles: Uh, I didn’t see any.
Buffy: Angel showed up. He could smell it.
Xander: The blood? There’s a guy you wanna party with.

Buffy: Well, say it.
Xander: I’m not gonna say it.
Willow: You lied to Giles.
Xander: ‘Cause she will.

Willow: Like you don’t have a sick mother, but you’d rather go to a frat party where there’s gonna be drinking and older guys and probably an orgy.
Xander: Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho, rewind. Since when do they have orgies, and why aren’t I on the mailing list?

Cordelia: This isn’t about fun. This is about duty, your duty, to help me achieve permanent prosperity. Okay? Do’s and Dont’s: don’t wear black, silk, chiffon or spandex. These are my trademarks. And don’t do that weird thing with you hair.
Buffy: What weird thing with my…

Xander: Buffy’s lying. Buffy’s going to frat parties… That’s not askew, that’s cockeyed.
Willow: Askew means cockeyed.

Xander: I’m going to the party.
Willow: What?
Xander: I gotta keep an eye on Buffy. Those frat guys creep me.
Willow: You wanna protect her.
Xander: Mm-Hm.
Willow: And prove that you’re just as good as those rich, snotty guys?
Xander: Mm-Hm.
Willow: Maybe catch an orgy?
Xander: If it’s on early.

Richard: Have you seen our multimedia room?
Cordelia: Oh, the one with the cherry walnut paneling and the two forty-eight-inch televisions on satellite feed? No. Wanna show me?

Buffy: Because I have obligations. People that I’m responsible for, or to, or… with, or… It’s complicated.

Willow: Well… Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she’s the Chosen One, but you’re killing her with the pressure! I mean, she’s sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you’re gonna live forever! You don’t have time for a cup of coffee? Okay, I don’t feel better now, and we’ve gotta help Buffy.

Cordelia: Offerings? He’s talking about us?
Callie: Do you see anyone else chained up in here?

Willow: A bunch of girls are missing, and the Zeta Kappas may be involved, and Buffy. Are you wearing makeup?

Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? Hey, man, how you doin’?

Angel: I hear this place, uh, serves coffee. I thought maybe you and I should get some. Sometime. If you want.
Buffy: Yeah. Sometime. I’ll let you know.