Cordelia: So I told Devon, ‘You call that leather interior? My Barbie Dream Car had nicer seats!’

Cordelia: Buffy. Love the hair. It just screams street urchin.
Buffy: Know what? I need to go… put a bag over my head.

Buffy: Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.

Snyder: Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent I’ve been looking for.

Xander: Do you know what you just did?
Buffy: Saved you a dollar?
Xander: No, but Larry was about to pummel me!
Buffy: Oh, that? Forget about it!
Xander: Oh, I’ll forget about it. In maybe fifteen, twenty years when my rep for being a sissy man finally fades!

Willow: Oh, Buffy. Angel would never fall for her act.
Buffy: You mean that ‘actually showing up, wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene’ act?

Buffy: You’re beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun. You know, there’s this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right, and the pictures tell a story.

Buffy: Ms. Calendar said you were a babe.
Giles: She said what?
Buffy: Well, she said that you were a… h-hunk of burning… something or other. So, whadaya think of that?
Giles: Uh, I… I don’t, um, uh… A burning hunk of what?
Buffy: Look. You know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grownups having smoochies, but I think you should go for it.
Giles: Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but…
Buffy: But I’ve overstepped my bounds. It’s none of my business, you know. What was I thinking? My God! Shame, shame. I gotta go.

Willow: She looks like a noble woman or something. Which means being beautiful is sort of her job.
Buffy: And clearly this girl was a workaholic. I’ll never be like this.
Willow: C’mon! She’s not that pretty. I mean, look at her. She’s got a funny… uh, waist. Look how tiny that is.
Buffy: Thank you. Now I feel better.

Willow: Yeah. Still, I think I prefer being able to vote. Or I will when I can.

Buffy: Cordelia, I think his parents have been dead for a couple of hundred years.
Cordelia: Oh, good. I mean… What?
Buffy: Angel’s a vampire. I thought you knew.
Cordelia: Oh, he’s a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs?

Cordelia: You know what I think? I just think you’re trying to scare me off ‘cause you’re afraid  of th competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I’m the Slayer.

Xander: Private Harris reporting for… Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!
Buffy: Thank you, kind sir. But wait till you see… Casper.

Snyder: This is your group Summers. No need to speak to them. The last thing they need is your influence. Just bring them back in one piece and I won’t expel you.

Cordelia: It’s my costume. Are you guys playing tonight?
Oz: Yeah, at the Shelter Club.
Cordelia: Is Mr. I’m-the-lead-singer-I’m-so-great-I-don’t-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna be there?
Oz: Yeah, y’know, he’s just going by ‘Devon’ now.
Cordelia: Well, you can tell him that I don’t care, and that I didn’t even mention it. And that I didn’t even see you. So that’s fine.
Oz: So, what do I tell him?
Cordelia: Nothing! Jeez! Get with the program.
Oz: Why can’t I meet a nice girl like that?

Willow: Buffy, are you hurt?
Buffy: Buffy?
Willow: She’s not Buffy.
Xander: Who’s Buffy?
Willow: Oh, this is fun. What year is this?
Buffy: 1775, I believe. I-I don’t understand. Who are you?

Buffy: a demon! A demon! A demon!
Willow: That’s not a demon. It’s a car.

Willow: She couldn’t’ve been dressed like Xena?

Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you’re not a cat, you’re in high school, and we’re your friends. Well, sort of.
Cordelia: That’s nice, Willow. And you went mental when?

Buffy: I don’t know what that is, but I’m certain I don’t have it. I bathe quite often!
Xander: How do you explain this?
Buffy: I don’t! I was brought up a proper lady. I-I wasn’t meant to understand things. I’m just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a Baron.

Giles: A-and, uh, your, your costume?
Willow: I’m a ghost!
Giles: Yes. Um… w, uh, uh, uh, the ghost of what exactly?
Willow: Well, this is nothing. You should see what Cordelia was wearing. A-a, a unitard with cat things, like ears and stuff.

Giles: Primarily the division of self. Male and female, light and dark.
Ethan: Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry, that’s peanut butter.

Xander: It was way creepy. It was like I was there, but I couldn’t get out.
Cordelia: Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit’s totally skintight.

Cordelia: Hello?! It felt like I was talking, my lips were moving and…
Xander: Give it up, Cordy. You’ve never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.