Jenny: It’s a secret!
Giles: What kind of secret?
Jenny: Uh, the kind that’s secret. You know, where I don’t actually tell you what it is.
Giles: I think it’s customary that when two people are going out on evening that they, they both have an idea of where they’re going.

Cordelia: I just don’t see why everyone’s always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don’t appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed…
Xander: I think you mean “oppressed”.
Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. So they’re, like, “Let’s lose some heads”. Uhhh! That’s fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna left them have cake!

Xander: Aw, you just need cheering up. And I know just the thing! Crazed dance party at the Bronze!
Buffy: I dunno.
Xander: Very calm dance party at the Bronze? Moping at the Bronze.

Willow: So, you two were sweeties in fifth grade?
Buffy: Not even. Ford wouldn’t give me the time of day.
Ford: Well, I was a manly sixth-grader. I couldn’t bother with someone that young.
Buffy: It was terrible. I moped over for you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls songs “I touch myself”. Of course, I had no idea what it was about.

Xander: This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn’t she know any fat guys?
Willow: Oh, that’s what that song is about?!

Ford: What’s goin’ on?
Buffy: Um… uh, there was a, a cat. A cat here, and, um, then there was another cat… and they fought. The cats. And… then they left.
Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.
Buffy: What? Whating a what?

An gel: I-if this a bad time, I…
Willow: No! I just… I’m not supposed to have boys in my room.
Angel: I promise to behave myself.

Angel: I guess I need help.
Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, ‘cause you’re old and you already know stuff.

Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don’t wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me.
Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I’m jealous?
Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way.
Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin’ guilty… I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous. But I know People. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.
Willow: Okay. But if there isn’t anything weird… Hey, that’s weird.

Giles: Oh! Uh, very good, yes. Uh, um, Buffy… Excuse me. You are not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?

Willow: The only thing I could track down was this address. The Sunset Club. Still didn’t find anything incriminating.
Angel: He leaves no paper trail, no records, that’s incriminating enough.
Xander: Yeah, I’m gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?

Xander: In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs
Angel: Let’s look around. You guys check out downstairs.
Xander: Sure thing, Bossy the cow!
Willow: Okay, but do they really stick out?
Xander: What?
Willow: Sore thumbs. DO they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, “Wow! That baby is sore!”
Xander: You have too many thoughts.

Chantarelle: Don’t be ashamed! It’s cool that you’re open to it. We welcome anyone who’s interested in the Lonely Ones.
Willow: The Lonely Ones?
Angel: Vampires.
Xander: Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones.

Giles: Uh, honestly, I, I’ve always, I’ve always been interested in, in, uh, monster trucks.
Buffy: You took him to monster trucks?
Jenny: I thought it would be a change.
Giles: It was a change.
Jenny: Look, we could’ve just left.
Giles: Wha-what, and miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn’t have that.

Ford: Yes! See, this is the best! I wanna be like you. A vampire.
Spike: I’ve known you for two minutes, and I can’t stand you. I don’t really feature you livin’ forever. Can I eat him now, love?

Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?
Willow: Ours is a forbidden love.

Buffy: What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends to pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.

Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You’re going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and, my God, could you have a dorkier outfit?
Ford: I gotta back her up, D. You look like a big ninny.

Spike: Everybody STOP.
Buffy: Good idea. Now let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray.

Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: you mean life?
Buffy: Yeas. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one never dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.