Buffy: I don’t know. Does she knows what one of these is?
Xander: Okay, big yuks. When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?
Buffy: I’m sorry. But never. I just think you could find somebody more… better.
Xander: Uh, parallel universe, maybe.

Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating
Xander: Well, you’re obviously not dating Cordelia.

Harmony: When are you two gonna start wearing cute little matching outfits? ‘Cause I’m planning to vomit. Let’s go.

Amy: Hey. Are you guys going to the Valentine’s Day dance at the Bronze?
Buffy: Go ahead. You know you wanna say it.
Willow: My boyfriend’s in the band.
Buffy: I think you’ve now told everybody.
Willow Only in this hemisphere.
Amy: What about you?
Buffy: Oh. Valentine’s Day is just a cheap gimmick to sell cards and chocolate.
Amy: Bad break-up, huh?
Buffy: Believe me when I say, “uh-huh”.

Giles: Buffy! Buffy… Might I have a word?
Buffy: Have a sentence, even.

Cordelia: Your clothes…. You look so good.
Xander: Oh. I let Buffy dress me. Well, not physically.

Xander: Let me finish. I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately… the why and the wherefore. You know, once, twice, a kissy here, a kissy there. And you can chalk it all up to hormones. A-and maybe that’s all we have there. Tawdry teen lust. But maybe not. Maybe something in you sees something special inside me. And vice versa. I mean, I think I do. So…
Cordelia: Xander… Thank you. It’s beautiful. I wanna break up.
Xander: Okay, not quite the reaction I was looking for.

Xander: Yeah! Okay…. Do you know what’s a good day to break up with somebody? Any day besides Valentine’s day! I mean, what, were you running low on dramatic irony?

Xander: Yeah, I’m thinking it runs in the family. I saw you working that mojo on Ms. Beakman. Maybe I should tell somebody about…
Amy: That’s not even…. That’s is so mean!
Xander: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
Amy: I didn’t say black mail.
Xander: Yeah, but I’m about to blackmail you, so I thought I’d bring it up.

Amy: A love spell?
Xander: Yeah. You know, just the basic can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t breathe anything but little old moi.

Xander: Morning, ladies. Some kind of weather we’ve been having, huh?
Cordelia: What do you want? You can’t be sniffing around for more jewelry to melt, because all you ever gave me was that Smallmart-looking thing.
Xander: Is this love? ‘Cause maybe on you it doesn’t look that different.
Cordelia: What are you doing? Are you going, like, stalker-boy on me now?

Giles: Look, here’s another. Here. Um, Valentine’s Day.  Yes, uh… “Angel nails a puppy to the…”.
Buffy: Skip it.
Giles: Uh, but it…
Buffy: I don’t wanna know. I don’t have a puppy. Skip it.

Buffy: Yeah. We can comfort each other.
Xander: Well, would lap dancing enter into scenario at all? ‘Cause I find that very comforting.
Buffy: Play your cards right…
Xander: Okay, uh…. You do know that I’m Xander, right?

Willow: Sorry. I wanted to surprise you.
Xander: Good job! High marks.
Willow: Don’t be so jumpy. I’ve been in your bed before.
Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.

Willow: I want you, Xander… to be my first!
Xander: Baseman.  Please tell me we’re talking baseball.

Xander: I-I don’t wanna use force.
Willow: Mm. Force is okay!

Giles: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this!
Xander: Oh, no, I’m twice the fool it takes to do something like this.

Jenny: You heard him. So why don’t you undo your little magic trick and get lost?
Amy: Who made you Queen of the World? Well, you’re old enough to be.
Jenny: Well, what can I say? I guess Xander’s just too much man for simple squad.

Cordelia: Okay, what now? You don’t like my locker combination?
Harmony: It’s just not right. You never loved him. You just used him. You make me sick.
Cordelia: Okay, Harmony. If you need to borrow my Midol just ask.

Amy: Why did you send Xander away? He needs me.
Jenny: That’s a laugh.
Amy: He loves me. We look into each other’s souls.
Jenny: No one can love two people at once. What we have is real.
Giles: Instead of making me ill, why doesn’t one of you try to help me?

Cordelia: Damn it, Xander, what’s going on? Who died and made you Elvis?

Joyce: Let me, uh, get you something to drink. You in the mood for cold or hot?
Xander: I, uh…
Joyce: I think it’s more of a hot night, don’t you?

Cordelia: And keep your mom-aged mitts off my boyfriend. Former! Why has everyone gone insane?
Xander: Insane? Is it impossible for you to believe that other women find me attractive?
Cordelia: The only way you could get girls to want you would be witchcraft.
Xander: That is such a…. Well, yeah, okay, good point.

Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
Xander: Really? It doesn’t say “spare me” by any chance?
Drusilla: Shhh. How do you feel about eternal life?
Xander: We couldn’t just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe?

Cordelia: If we die in here I’m gonna kick your ass! I mean it!

Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
Oz: But you’re not a rat. So call it an upside.
Buffy: You think maybe you could get me some clothing?
Oz: Yes, I can. Just, uh… don’t go anywhere.
Buffy: Really not an issue.

Buffy: Oh, yeah. I remember coming on to you, I remember begging you to undress me… and then a sudden need for cheese. I also remember that you didn’t.
Xander: Need cheese?
Buffy: Undress me.

Cordelia: Harmony shut up. Do you know what you are, Harmony? You’re a sheep.
Harmony: I’m not a sheep.
Cordelia: You’re a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for you approval, when I’m way cooler than you are ‘cause I’m not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I’ll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.

Cordelia: Oh, God, what have I done? They’re never gonna speak to me again!
Xander: Oh, sure, they are. If it helps, whenever we’re around them you and I can fight a lot.
Cordelia: You promise?
Xander: You can pretty much count on me.