Xander: Team? Swim team. Hardly what I’d call a team. The Yankees. Abbott and Costello. The “a”. now, those were teams.
Cordelia: Jealous?
Xander: No. Y-yes, but “no” more than “yes”.

Buffy: Yeah. It’s just so…
Cameron: Eternal. A true mother, giving birth to new life and devouring old. Always adaptable and nurturing… yet … constant… and merciless.
Buffy: Boy. I was just gonna go with big and wet.

Willow: Nice. Good. Gage. Your pie chart is looking a lot like solitaire… with naked ladies on the cards?

Snyder: I understand there’s a problem with Gage Petronzi.
Willow: Oh, good, then you know. Well, yeah. Besides the behavior problem, he won’t do homework, and his test scores are… Well, actually, he doesn’t have any test scores because he never shows up when we have…

Xander: Just like that? He actually told you to alter his grade?
Willow: Exactly. Except for actually telling me to. But he made it perfectly clear of what he wasn’t telling me.

Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They’re called winners. That’s the way the world works.
Xander: And what about that nutty “all men are created equal” thing?
Cordelia: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.
Xander: I think that was Lincoln.
Cordelia: Disgusting mole and stupid hat.
Willow: Actually, it was Jefferson.
Cordelia: Kept slaves. Remember?

Buffy: You know what, Cam? Thanks. I’d forgotten how nice it is just talk, or, in my case listen, without any romantic pressure.

Snyder: Coach Marin, how bad does it look?
Coach Marin: Well, luckily, it’s not broken, but sure as hell it’s gonna sting for a few days.
Snyder: I mean our chances of winning the state championship.

Buffy: So I’m treated like the baddie just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose. And I don’t have a scratch on me, which, granted, hurts my case a little on the surface, but meanwhile he gets away with it because he’s on the “aren’t we the most” swim team… who, by the way, if no one’s noticed, have been acting like real jerks lately… So, anything new with you guys?
Giles: Thank you for taking an interest.

Buffy: So something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo Cookie. Well, except for, you know, without the chocolatey cookie goodness.

Willow: So, we’re looking for a beastie.
Giles: That, uh, eats human whole… except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn’t make any sense.
Xander: Yeah. The skin’s the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol? You’re gonna think about that later, mister, and you’re gonna laugh.

Xander: Well, it was dark! And the thing went through the window so quick, and I was a… little shocked when I saw it, and…
Cordelia: Go ahead. Say it. You ran like a woman.

Buffy: And raise the possibility that someone brought forth this sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. “From whence it came”? I’m spending way too much time around you.

Xander: What about me? What can I do?
Cordelia: Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man.

Jonathan: Yeah! Okay? I did!
Willow: So… you delved into the black arts and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean’s depths to wreak your vengeance.
Jonathan: Huh?
Willow: Didn’t you?
Jonathan: What? No! I snuck in yesterday and… peed in the pool.

Xander: Yeah. I figured I can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can’t.
Willow: When you’re nude? I-I meant to say “changing”.

Cordelia: I’m dating a swimmer from the Sunnydale swim team!
Buffy: You can die happy.

Giles: They’re absorbing the steroid mixture through the steam.
Xander: Not they. We. Me! We have to find an antidote, don’t you think? The clock is ticking, people!
Buffy: I wouldn’t break out the tartar sauce just yet. I mean, it’s not like you were exposed more than once. Twice?
Xander: Three times a Fish guy.

Xander: What am I gonna do?
Cordelia: You, you, you. What about me? It’s one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it’s another to be dating the creature from the Blue Lagoon.
Xander: Black Lagoon. The creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you so much for your support.

Willow: Well, I’ll talk to Nurse Greenleigh.
Buffy: You’re really getting into this interrogation thing.
Willow: The trick is not leave any marks.

Cordelia: It’s me, Cordelia? I know you can’t answer me, but… God, this is all my fault. You joined the swim team to impress me. You were so courageous. And you looks really hot in those Speedo’s. and I want you to know that I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And… and we can still date. Or, or not. I mean… I understand if you wanna see other fish. I’ll do everything to make your quality of life better. Whether that means little bath toys or whatever.

Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs: that I did it with the entire swim team.

Xander: Well, turning into a creepy-crawly wasn’t on my top ten list of things to do before I turn twenty.