~~~~~~~~~~ Citations
~~~~~~~~~~
Réalisé par
Fyno
Xander: Team? Swim team.
Hardly what I’d call a team. The Yankees. Abbott and Costello. The “a”.
now, those were teams.
Cordelia: Jealous?
Xander: No. Y-yes, but “no”
more than “yes”.
Buffy: Yeah. It’s just so…
Cameron: Eternal. A true
mother, giving birth to new life and devouring old. Always adaptable and
nurturing… yet … constant… and merciless.
Buffy: Boy. I was just gonna
go with big and wet.
Willow: Nice. Good. Gage. Your pie chart is looking a lot like solitaire… with naked ladies on the cards?
Snyder: I understand there’s
a problem with Gage Petronzi.
Willow: Oh, good, then you
know. Well, yeah. Besides the behavior problem, he won’t do homework, and
his test scores are… Well, actually, he doesn’t have any test scores because
he never shows up when we have…
Xander: Just like that? He
actually told you to alter his grade?
Willow: Exactly. Except
for actually telling me to. But he made it perfectly clear of what he wasn’t
telling me.
Cordelia: Xander, I know
you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is,
certain people are entitled to special privileges. They’re called winners.
That’s the way the world works.
Xander: And what about that
nutty “all men are created equal” thing?
Cordelia: Propaganda spouted
out by the ugly and less deserving.
Xander: I think that was
Lincoln.
Cordelia: Disgusting mole
and stupid hat.
Willow: Actually, it was
Jefferson.
Cordelia: Kept slaves. Remember?
Buffy: You know what, Cam? Thanks. I’d forgotten how nice it is just talk, or, in my case listen, without any romantic pressure.
Snyder: Coach Marin, how
bad does it look?
Coach Marin: Well, luckily,
it’s not broken, but sure as hell it’s gonna sting for a few days.
Snyder: I mean our chances
of winning the state championship.
Buffy: So I’m treated like
the baddie just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose. And
I don’t have a scratch on me, which, granted, hurts my case a little on
the surface, but meanwhile he gets away with it because he’s on the “aren’t
we the most” swim team… who, by the way, if no one’s noticed, have been
acting like real jerks lately… So, anything new with you guys?
Giles: Thank you for taking
an interest.
Buffy: So something ripped
him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo Cookie.
Well, except for, you know, without the chocolatey cookie goodness.
Willow: So, we’re looking
for a beastie.
Giles: That, uh, eats human
whole… except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn’t make
any sense.
Xander: Yeah. The skin’s
the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high
cholesterol? You’re gonna think about that later, mister, and you’re gonna
laugh.
Xander: Well, it was dark!
And the thing went through the window so quick, and I was a… little shocked
when I saw it, and…
Cordelia: Go ahead. Say
it. You ran like a woman.
Buffy: And raise the possibility that someone brought forth this sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. “From whence it came”? I’m spending way too much time around you.
Xander: What about me? What
can I do?
Cordelia: Well, you could
go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man.
Jonathan: Yeah! Okay? I did!
Willow: So… you delved into
the black arts and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean’s depths to wreak
your vengeance.
Jonathan: Huh?
Willow: Didn’t you?
Jonathan: What? No! I snuck
in yesterday and… peed in the pool.
Xander: Yeah. I figured I
can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can’t.
Willow: When you’re nude?
I-I meant to say “changing”.
Cordelia: I’m dating a swimmer
from the Sunnydale swim team!
Buffy: You can die happy.
Giles: They’re absorbing
the steroid mixture through the steam.
Xander: Not they. We. Me!
We have to find an antidote, don’t you think? The clock is ticking, people!
Buffy: I wouldn’t break
out the tartar sauce just yet. I mean, it’s not like you were exposed more
than once. Twice?
Xander: Three times a Fish
guy.
Xander: What am I gonna do?
Cordelia: You, you, you.
What about me? It’s one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but
it’s another to be dating the creature from the Blue Lagoon.
Xander: Black Lagoon. The
creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you so much
for your support.
Willow: Well, I’ll talk to
Nurse Greenleigh.
Buffy: You’re really getting
into this interrogation thing.
Willow: The trick is not
leave any marks.
Cordelia: It’s me, Cordelia? I know you can’t answer me, but… God, this is all my fault. You joined the swim team to impress me. You were so courageous. And you looks really hot in those Speedo’s. and I want you to know that I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And… and we can still date. Or, or not. I mean… I understand if you wanna see other fish. I’ll do everything to make your quality of life better. Whether that means little bath toys or whatever.
Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs: that I did it with the entire swim team.
Xander: Well, turning into a creepy-crawly wasn’t on my top ten list of things to do before I turn twenty.