Willow : This is a nightmare. This is… My world is spinning.
Xander: It’s not that bad, Willow. Really.
Willow: 740? Verbal?! I’m-I’m… Illiterate! I’m Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel.

Xander: This not good.
Cordelia: What’s not good?
Xander: Well, I’m just worried it may hurt my standing as campus stud when people find out I’m dating a brain.
Cordelia: Please. I have some experience in covering these things up.

Willow: Buffy! Hey! Did you gat your SAT scores?
Xander: By the look on your face, I’m guessing you and I are gonna be manning the drive-through window side by side.
Buffy: They’re just test scores, right? What do they really mean, anyway?
Willow: 1430! Buffy, you kicked ass! Okay, so academic achievement gets me a little excited.

Cordelia: Well, I think this is great! Now you can leave and never come back! Well, I mean that in a positive way. Get out of Sunnydale. That’s a good thing. What kind of moron would ever wanna come back here?

Xander: What’s classier than bowling?
Cordelia: Apart from everything ever? Let’s see…

Buffy: She started with all this crazy talk about me going to college, maybe someplace else. I know. I know, I said that you were gonna have a goat. Responsibilities and all. I know the drill.
Giles: She may be right.
Buffy: Yeah, I know, I figured you’d… Okay. Be kind, rewind.

Giles: I-in the meantime, um, I’d like you to continue training while I’m, while I’m gone, and, um, please don’t do anything rash.
Buffy: “Anything rash”, meaning…
Giles: Are you planning ton seeing Angel?
Buffy: Yes. Actually, I am. Look, but there’s not gonna be any rash. Anywhere. Okay. We’re, we’re friends. That’s all either of us wants. Nothing’s gonna happen.

Xander: It’s just bowling.
Willow: It’s bad bowling. I-it’s double date, with all of us, and they’re gonna now! It’s a very intimate situation. It’s all sexy with the smoke and the sweating and the shoe rental..
Xander: You’re turned on by rented shoes?

Joyce: That’s not it. It’s just you belong at a, a good old-fashioned college with, with keg parties and boys, not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.

Mayor Wilkins: See, and it’s not the carpet. It’s me. I swear, I would sell my soul for a decent short game. Of course, it’s a little late for that. I don’t suppose I could offer your soul, huh? Really help me on the green.

Xander: Are you nuts, or have you forgotten that I tend to have bad luck with these sorts of spells?
Willow: But you said you wished that these feelings could just go away.
Xander: Yeah, I wish for a lot of things! I told you I wished I was a fireman when we were in sixth grade, but you didn’t follow through on that!

Spike: She wouldn’t even kill me. She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I’d gone soft. Wasn’t demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn’t mean anything. I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn’t care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was… she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a chaos demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They’re all slime and antlers. They’re disgusting. She only did it to hurt me. So, I said, “I’m not putting up with this anymore.” And she said, “Fine!” And I said, “Yeah. I’ve got an unlife, you know!” And then she said… she said we could still be friends.

Buffy: Whatever happened, there was obviously a fight.
Oz: I don’t see any blood.
Buffy: Yeah, either they were taken, or they ran, or maybe…
Cordelia: You’re having too many ors! Pick one!

Joyce: He’s crazy. He’ll kill us.
Spike: Not while I breathe. Well actually, I don’t breathe.

Oz: It’s Willow. She’s nearby?
Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn’t even wear perfume.
Oz: She’s afraid.
Cordelia: Oh, my God. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.
Oz: I really agree.

Xander: So what are our options?
Willow: Well, I figure either… I refuse to do the spell and he kills us, or I do the spell and he kills us.
Xander: Give me a third option.
Willow: He’s so drunk he forgets about us, and we starve to death. That’s sort of the best one.

Spike: I’m really glad I came here, you know? I’ve been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back. I’ve just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I’m gonna do what I shoulda done in first place: I’ll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again.