Buffy (struggled by a demon): Nnnrrff! Nnnrrf!
Willow: Oh, God! Demon! Demon! What kills a demon?
Buffy: Nnnrrf! Nnnrrrff!
Willow: Oh, Nerf! Not Nerf. Knife!

Xander: Well, burial details aside, does this cap us off for the day?
Buffy: You got plans?
Xander: I cannot stress enough how much I don’t have plans.
Buffy: No luck reaching Cordelia?
Xander: I’ve left a few messages. Sixty… Seventy… But you know what really bugs me? Okay, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss.
Willow: Darn tootin’.
Xander: And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean this is really all their fault.
Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
Xander: Mine is much more advanced.

Cordelia: So… What’s new? God, it(s been, like, a gazillion years!
John Lee: Look, the guys are kinda down on me lately. Coach has cut me back to second string. If anyone saw me hanging with Xander Harris’ castoff on top of that… Death, you know, but… maybe… If you wanna go someplace private…

Cordelia: But Harmony…
Anya: Oh, she follows me around. If that girl had an original thought, her head would explode.

Harmony: Cordy, what’s with you? I mean, you wear this come-bite-me outfit, you make jokes about the Bronze, and you’re acting a little schizo.
Cordelia: You’re right. I just… Well, I bumped my head yesterday, and I keep forgetting stuff. Not that I care, but Xander Harris, he’s miserable, right? And that Willow freak he hang with, not even a blip on the radar screen, right?
Harmony: Well, yeah. they’re dead.

Xander: Buffy? The Slayer?
Cordelia: No! Buffy the dog-faced girl! Duh! Who do you think I’m talking about?

Nancy: What was she doing wearing that? Everyone knows that vampires attracted to bright colors?
Larry: That’s Cordelia. It’s better to look good than to feel alive.

Giles: Um, Anyanka is a, sort of a Patron Saint of scorned women.
Larry: What does she do?
Giles: Uh, sh-she grants wishes.
Oz: So Cordelia wished for something? Well, if it was a long, healthy life, she should get her money back.

Cordelia: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.
Anya: Done.
Cordelia: That would be cool! No, wait. I wish Buffy Summers had never been born.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! Or maybe…